Laurie Condon

 

While this may sound corny, I felt the need to write it down, and perhaps revisit when I am having a tough day. I had a "perfect" day over the weekend that was beyond simple.

 

It started out with a workout, followed by a Sushi date with my husband. We were looking for something to do aside from hiking. Since the onset of COVID, I believe we have done every trail on Long Island.  At the very last minute I found one of those Painting classes with only one seat left. I pleaded with the teacher and told her we were not that big and miraculously she fit us in. Eleven women and my guy painted up a storm. Of course, the canvases will go into the garage with the other ones accumulated over the years.  I never know what to do with them when they are completed, but the activity itself is peaceful, and entertaining. Wearing a mask during the 2- hour class was a bit uncomfortable, but aside from that, it was great.

 

If you follow my social media feed, you know that the even bigger event of the day was my husband surrendering his flip phone and joining the new age. I have been begging for 6 years. I had bought him an iPhone for our tenth wedding anniversary, and he immediately took it back stating he didn't need one, it was too expensive, he was either here or at the office blah, blah blah. Finally, after seeing my friend's parents texting with ease he capitulated and decided to get on the bandwagon.

 

No longer will my texts get 3 letter answers, since he would have to scroll through the entire alphabet to type each individual character. No longer will he take a picture but not know how to share it or send it.  No longer will he need me to look up random questions because he had no search engine. It was a momentous occasion that made me giddy.

 

We got home I made dinner and cuddled on the couch to watch TV. That was it. That was my perfect day.

 

What is so cool about that, in my opinion, is that it wasn't very exciting, nor did it cost tons of money, involve coordinating transportation, and plotting. It was a day that I thought to myself, I hit the husband jackpot. I was doing an event that was stress free and in my wheelhouse, we ate good food had great conversation and that is all it took to make me happy.

 

When I have a phone call with someone who I haven't spoken to in a long time, I feel joy. When I help a client at work or when I am personal training, and they thank me and tell me that I made a difference I am happy. If my son pays me a compliment it makes my day.

 

In our current environment there is a lot to be upset and anxious about. Corona Virus, the election, the threat of a food shortage, Climate Change, the economy. Did I mention the election????

 

The fact that I could have a day of pure bliss which really revolved around a good companion, good food, good weather and a good mindset is priceless.

 

I am not bragging. I am suggesting you think about how much we all take for granted. The fact that I get to eat out, or do a craft with my husband, or watch a show together are not activities to just kill time. They are cherished moments. In this particular week, I have heard of two youngish, men 42 and 52 respectively losing their lives. I say youngish, because now that I am 50+ that age changes by a decade every year I get older. Time is fleeting and it is also a gift. While it is way easier to complain, try to think about the simple things that give you pleasure. For me, it is coffee, food, friends, a great workout, accomplishing a goal, completing a task that I was procrastinating on, watching my son play baseball, laughing at a daily joke that my husband tells me. Sometimes it is just looking around my house and being grateful to have a home that I love.

 

I literally think of these things every day and feel blessed. When I was younger, I didn't value moments like these.  I watch the news, and listen to stories from friends and acquaintances, I don't ever want to take my good fortune for granted. So, if this reflection helps at all I am glad to have shared.

I have been very anxious as of late, and really on edge due to the Global Pandemic that we are all in the midst of. I know I am not alone.

As many have said, I have been practicing for social distancing and self-quarantining my whole life. I don't travel, work from home,  don't go out much and have hoarded paper towels way before it was cool.

Regardless, during COVID19, I feel so useless and want to do something to help. Aside from staying put, I thought the only thing I can offer, is a laugh. The story I am about to share, may not be done unfolding, but I am going to let you know where we are as of today. Thankfully my reaction has gone from total anxiety to sheer belly laughs. I hope this brings a little joy your way too. 

You might imagine my pure elation, when a renowned author asked me to send her a copy of my book. This is one of my favorite writers, and the joy I felt was insurmountable.  Of course, I went right to Amazon, and sent immediately. I asked if she would prefer a paperback or kindle version, and she chose paperback. I imagine it is because she will want me to autograph it when we get together to discuss the details.

Anyway, the book was sent, and I went back to work. My entire family is working and schooling from home. This creates, double laundry, double cooking and a lot more dirt.

We each take a floor, and do our thing until someone gets hungry. That is apparently my job?????

Clearly when more people stay home, things break, and you definitely need more purchases from Amazon, if that is even possible.

My husband informs me that our toilet seat broke, so I order one from Prime, expecting it to arrive in 2 days.  Next I realize I will not be getting a manicure anytime soon, so I better order some nail polish and remover as well. 

As CNN plays in the background, I think about building my immunity and decide to order, Zinc, Vitamin C and any other immune boosting pills I can find. 

We all carry on with our day, and I receive an email letting me know that my toilet seat has been delivered. I run to the door with my Anti-bacterial wipe, or what appears to be one. The package of wipes is written in Chinese except for the 99.9% which I am assuming is the amount of disinfecting power of the wipe. However when I get to the door, there is no package.

I go back to my email and open the tracking number and my heart starts racing, and sweat begins to bead on my brow. 

For some glorious reason, all of my Amazon purchases, which are a plenty, have been sent to my writing idol's house. Yes, a toilet seat, my vitamins and yes 3 other packages.

I am flipping out. I am embarrassed and don't know what to do. I race to call Amazon, who has a recorded message stating that they cannot answer calls at this time. I don't really have any way to contact the author except through Instagram which I barely know how to use, and I  don't think she checks regularly.

I check for feedback every 20 minutes for the entire day, and realize that this could potentially be the first chapter of my next book. Not to mention this occured on April Fool's Day. Perhaps she thinks it is an April Fool's prank. With the shortage of toilet paper it may actually fly.

I have recovered, and have calmed down, allowing myself to laugh at the sheer hilarity of it all, and hope you can chuckle for a moment too and pehaps forget about your troubles for 5 minutes.

If she does in fact figure out it was me, perhaps that will make me and my book more memorable. I am always going to look for the Silver lining.

Be safe and Be Well everyone.

Thinking and missing all of my friends.

Dear Sakara,

There are so many things I would like to thank you for, where do I begin? When I first fell in love, it was not only with the taste of the food, but also the rainbow of colors in every meal. The aesthetics including the vibrant colors and variety are unparalleled.

I have always been afraid of food, because I struggled with disordered eating for years. Sakara has given me my freedom back. I don't try to eat less now, but rather an abundance of all of the plants and nutrients that are actually keeping my body in its optimal shape.  I had created so many rules over the years around food deeming some as good and others as bad, that I forgot that food is medicine. Now I like to think of the nutrients each unique food possesses, and decide how I will benefit from each delicious bite. The combinations  in each meal make your taste buds feel alive. I never feel deprived when I am eating a meal from Sakara.

Lastly, as they say the proof is in the (Avocado) pudding. I recently just had surgery, and thought that the recovery was going to be difficult, however, my immune system is so healthy, that 1 day later, I am feeling almost back to myself. I was told to expect 2 weeks of down time. I don't think this is a coincidence or a miracle, I think it is a gift of healthy choices, easily available by Sakara.

Here is the link to better health.

 

 XOLAURIE

 wethrift

 

Much love,

Laurie

Why Are Resolutions So Hard to Stick To??

 

Do you ever enter the New Year with a list of resolutions that only serve to make you feel like a failure? I have stopped making resolutions because I have enough ways to criticize myself without adding more disappointments.

However, after spending some time figuring out why we very rarely make it past January with our proclamations, and that is being generous, I think I understand why.

Did you vow to eat better, start working out, keep your house neater, be nicer, accomplish more at work, stop abusing your credit cards, etc.?

I am pretty sure we can all find something on that list that resonates. So why don't we commit?

I know for myself, that if my legs are not broken, I am going to work out every day. This is not a resolution I make. I do not wake up in the morning and skip down to the basement where my gym is and think of the fun I am going to have getting my heartrate up to 150 for an hour. In fact, this is the best time for me to start cleaning, paying bills, chopping vegetables for the evening's meal, pretty much anything to stall the inevitable.

Regardless of how late I get started there is never a question that I will get it done. Why am I so committed? The payoff in my mind has a worse consequence than if I don't follow though. I have always had some sort of body dysmorphia, and concerns about being heavy. I was a chubby kid and socially that was challenging. Therefore, I will never allow myself to go back there. Hence, working out is a given. I could say the same for other things that we do that have worse results if not completed. Think about it.

Flossing and brushing your teeth, not fun but better than getting a cavity. Getting to work on time and being productive, better than ending up unemployed. It is pretty clear that when you dissect your resolutions you may not think the result of not following through is that bad. This is why we allow ourselves to renege.

 

If you are not feeling sickly you may decide you don't really want to give up cheese, because it tastes so good. Does that mean your arteries are not clogging? If you are too tired to clean your house and rationalize you are not having company any time soon, does that prevent you from cleaning up? What happens there, is that the piles get bigger, and it gets harder to make progress, to the point that you feel defeated before you begin.

Do you go into target for one thing and leave with a cart filled with things you "need" and then put them on your credit card because you don't have enough cash, but figure they are necessities?

No judgement, I can NEVER, resist a sale on Bounty paper towels, a result of some demented comment from my childhood, so I get it, but when we rationalize our actions this is the result, we fail to follow through.

Here is my conclusion. Things are never black or white. Perhaps instead of never using your credit card you make a concerted effort to reduce the amount you allow yourself to charge. If you never exercise perhaps instead of coming out of the gate with 7 days a week, you start with 2? If you never put thought into what you put in your mouth, maybe you try to make better choices Monday through Friday and give yourself a reprieve on the weekends. The rules and resolutions you make are your own. Therefore, if we could ease up on the judgement, we would do better at keeping them. I wanted to commit to writing daily so that I did not lose my mojo. Some days I just don't feel it, but others I wake up with something on my mind that has to get on paper. I am going to try to get those thoughts on paper without the pressure of doing it daily.

I do have some things that I hope to accomplish in 2020, but I am keeping them to myself, and will do the best I can to get things checked off my list.

My advice is to think about what you proposed, what the payoff is, and what the consequence is. Don't start with 10 things, take one at a time, and after you complete praise yourself for getting it done.

A Feeling Is A Feeling

 

Everyday I am learning something new, and it ain't easy to admit. Sometimes, we say something and think we mean it, but in actuality, if the event that we thought was hypothetical comes true, our feelings may change.

Case in point. My husband was at a job that had gotten very challenging and had become very toxic for him. As a fixer, I started looking for other jobs for him and promised up and down that we would make it work. I stated emphatically that he could work for a lower salary, he could work longer hours, no matter what his comfort was paramount.

I thought I meant what I said at the time and in my heart of hearts I did. I would do anything to make him feel better.

He was also searching and came upon an opportunity that sounded ideal. The commute was short, the reviews of the company were amazing, and I thought he was going to get a position where he would be happy and appreciated.

I am not biased he is an asset to any company. He has a solid work ethic, he never complains, he is quick and an honest reliable worker, (really cute too, but I digress).

He begins the job, and it proves to be a lot more work, which does not intimidate him, but he is getting home later. He is being trained by someone who has been there a long time, who has seen the company go from an excess of employees to bare bones.

This is not unique but rather commonplace these days. I have lived that reality too.

His mentor, who will be departing, spends a lot of time talking about the glory days and how it used to be with a surplus of help.

Now they find themselves aiding in other departments when someone is out, and picking up the slack on a daily basis.

Here Is the epiphany that I am going to resolve. I said I didn't mind if he worked later, got on the treadmill before we ate dinner, went in on weekends, whatever it would take.

Fact, I lied to myself and him, but I am going to change my ways!

To start off, I really tried to figure out why this bothered me so much. Hhmmm I am type A, a control freak, married to routine, and a creature of habit.

Now, I have no idea when to expect him, we have less time together, by the time he gets home I am starving and he still wants to work out, I am out of sorts and out of control.

He is adaptable and says eat without me and I will heat it up. Totally cool, but my crazy head starts thinking that this is the demise of the family unit.

Could I wait? Could I have a snack? Anyone who knows me, is aware that I don't snack. The last piece of cake I had was at my wedding. Could I spend the time writing or working late? If I wasn't ready to pass out from hunger, those would be good alternatives.

The resolution is, I am going to wait and see, and I am going to stick to the commitment I made. If you have read my book or any of my works, you will know that I analyze situations and myself to a fault and I can tell you this is on me. I no longer, as long as I am cognizant, will say one thing and do another.

I don't think that anyone does this intentionally, but we are all guilty of thinking we would act a certain way before walking in someone else's shoes.

IE. If your spouse cheated on you, and you assume you would kick him or her out, you may feel differently if this is the person you love, and you are forced to consider not having that person in your life anymore.

If your friend confides in you about being in an abusive relationship and you can't understand why he or she wouldn't leave, and then you find yourself in a similar position your actions or feelings may shift.

If your friend is cheating and you find yourself appalled and then you reconnect with an ex and rationalize how it is not the same.

If your friend has a child who misbehaves, and you criticize (silently) that you would raise that child differently, and then your own kid starts becoming defiant and you lose all control, you suddenly empathize.

I could go on, but you get the point.

We must hold back judgement, or at least expand our thinking beyond our own experiences to imagine an alternative way of thinking.

I am not going to let my spouse down, I am going to find a way to acclimate to my new normal.

Do you get it?

Don't reserve your sentiments for a special occasion. This week I lost a classmate, suddenly and was filled with all sorts of emotions. One of regret, for not checking in more frequently, one of sorrow after reading all of the postings about how so many of us have lost touch.

It is so easy to put making that phone call, writing that letter, sending that text, on the back burner assuming tomorrow will always be there.

I remember that my parents were not quick to profess love, but I always had felt it. However, in my generation I think demonstration and communication were on the rise. I think I said it ad nauseum. As a result, they came around and we started declaring our love back and forth.  When they both inevitably passed, I had a sense that they knew I was grateful for them.

Of course, I reflect on the trouble I caused and felt remorse, but that is just simply the pains of growing up and recognizing  that it really wasn't always all about me. It was nice having it all about me… Then I became a parent.

Do our sentiments make us feel vulnerable? Is it a question of not wanting to show more love than you feel is being reciprocated?

It is like being afraid to show your feelings in a new relationship. Do you like them more than they like you?  Who says I love you first? We are instructed by our peers and confidantes not to call too often so that we don't look too interested or needy.

We wouldn't want someone to think we were obsessed.

We are a weird culture.

I remember when guys came on too strong, I felt smothered and ran away. In all honestly, looking back, it was truly because I was afraid to reciprocate and delve into my feelings. When relationships get deep, people see the real you. I would have to show that I was flawed.

We are all flawed, and if someone accepts you for your warts and all, that is true love. I guess that is something you learn with age.

I try to not hold grudges for that reason. I can't harbor ill will. I need to get my feelings out. I sleep soundly (despite my awakening every two hours to pee). It is my feeling that keeping feelings inside leads to sickness. I don't think it is healthy to swallow your feelings. For whatever reason, it is my belief that this causes cancer.

Having a teenage son, it is not uncommon that he pushes my buttons, and I often feel exasperated.

I do make it a point every night to tell him that I love him. I always want those words in his head before he goes to sleep. It is really important that we make our loved ones feel that we don't take them for granted, and that we do appreciate them.

So in closing, I do have a message for Heidi, I am so sorry you were in so much pain, and I hope you are now at peace. It seems as if you left your mark on this world and that is a big deal.

Rest in Peace

As I sit drinking my green juice, applauding my willpower yet craving a bagel I wonder why food is my Frenemy. For my entire life I have had a love hate relationship with food. At times it brings me such pleasure I can't believe my heightened senses, but the guilt I often feel after eating something scrumptious and not green  made out of twigs is a huge cost.

My eating habits, which have become more lax with age are still restrictive and hard to stick to. I often think about my next meal while eating the current one. I have created rules that allow me to keep my guilt in check, but whenever a wrench is thrown into my schedule, which is often, I am plagued with anxiety and have to self talk myself into a game plan. 

I will never understand these thoughts, yet I know I am not alone. I have fat talks with almost every friend, I personal train many eating disordered clients. I am grateful to not be endangering my health anymore but wonder why I got my crazy head.

I am amazed and envious when I watch people eat with abandon, and yet sometimes I look at someone clearly overweight and wonder how uncomfortable they must feel. The funny thing is, that I know my friends reading this think I am talking about them and I AM NOT. I become anxious when I see extremely obese people who look like that have trouble moving. In the same token when I see someone extremely underweight, with protruding bones, I am equally upset. It triggers my fear of being at either extreme. 

Where food used to be used for sustenance and necessity it has now become a source of reward, comfort, entertainment, endulgence and pure enjoyment. 

How do we find balance? For me after starving myself, giving myself exercise bullemia, going fat free, taste free, meat free, sugar free I am back to moderation. My mother, whom my sister and I made fun of for many things, used to walk around saying "Everything in Moderation." Sorry mom, you were right. 

Aside from understanding all of the chemicals it takes to make a food fat free many times these foods boast exorbitant amounts of salt and sugar.

I have learned that I prefer to eat less of something that tastes great and is made with the least amount of processed ingredients.

As we age we require less calories. It is just a fact. I attribute this to Darwin's "Survival of the Fittest". We would clearly run out of resources if we all required the same amount of food. So I guess God feels that by age 50, we have eaten enough of the good stuff.

I am often in awe of my husband who can eat four donuts, but then have a lean cuisine for a day and not have a headache or want to sleep away hunger pains.

The bottom line for me is, I take inventory of my feelings. Is my choice going to make me happy? Or will I need to run a marathon to live with myself.

What are your rules? Clearly, everyone is a little crazy. I have shown you mine, I would love to hear yours!

I pride myself on being honest, but a very wise woman gave me a piece of advice that has always resonated with me. My mother used to say that if you were going shopping with a friend, and she asked your opinion on something she was trying on, you should be tactfully honest. On the other hand, if your friend was already wearing her new purchase on the way out to a party and she asked your opinion, what would be the point in telling her it is not your taste? There really isn't one. She would feel insecure and you would feel terrible. 

So where is the line? I think the answer to that question is going to vary for each individual based on your morals and what you can live with. I pretty much never lie, except in the type of scenario I provided above. I have a guilty conscience and therefore can't hold onto things that make me uncomfortable.

I watch a lot of television, and in almost every show there is a character who is cheating on a spouse. I automatically yell and threaten my husband while watching. 

I could never live with the guilt of doing that. I am not judgemental and I am sure there are extenuating circumstances that one could rationalize, I am just speaking for myself that I couldn't keep it in.

I can keep a secret for someone else, and I am not judgey at all, but honesty is of the utmost importance to me. 

However, there are ways to deliver the truth, and again times to not say anything. I had a friend who has passed away, and I feel terrible acknowledging this, but I called her "Mean Debbie." I loved Debbie, and could always count on her to be brutally honest. The trouble was, that sometimes I did not ask for her opinion and she would give it anyway. I would get a new hairstyle and she would say, " Did you change your hair? I liked it better the other way,"

Does that mean I really only want to hear the truth if it is in line with what I believe? Possibly, but when I was getting ready for the birth of my son, I had a baby shower. Debbie called me up and said "I was going to paint a lamp for you but if you are going to shove it in a closet, then I will just get you a damn gift card." I am laughing while writing this, because she was so funny but truly said it like it was. I replied Of course I will love the lamp, and I truly did. It was magnificent. The problem was it had a very short cord, and it fell and shattered. I never told her. That was my little lie, but now that she is no longer with us, I think of how special that lamp was and wish I still had it.

I have another friend who is my go to whenever I write something and need an opinion. She is so careful as to not offend me if she does not agree or wants to give me a different perspective. She is my litmus test.

I have chosen her as my go to, because she is honest.

When I write, I am sincerely looking for genuine feedback. I never want my writing to offend anyone, and I need it to be interestng to have you coming back. The truth is critical in helping me deliver a good product.

My mother spent the last 15 years of her life plagued with Alzheimers. She lost her filter while in the throes. I would say 7 years in, she used to comment whenever she saw someone who she felt was overweight, "Did you see the size of that guy or gal." Very quickly my sister and I saw it coming and would shut her down, but it was so embarrassing. My mother-in-law, who did not have Alzheimers used to do the same thing. She just felt the need to put it out there and we had to anticipate that too.

In the current climate, with fake new, and things taken out of context, do we feel it's okay to lie without consequence? What can you live with? I'd love to hear. 

Very recently it has come to my attention that we all spend a lot of time seeking the approval of others. The frustrating part about this is that it is very difficult to please everyone. I have been learning this hard lesson for all of my life. As I continue to accept my age and place in the world, I am less inclined to get the approval of the masses, but rather the people that have opinions that I value.

What I mean by this, is that I no longer choose clothing that is in style, but rather what I find stylish. I no longer participate in things that I think make me look cool but rather I try and assess if attending an event will prove to be better than staying in my PJ's and binge watching Netflix. 

Letting go of perceived perceptions is difficult. Sometimes, when I decide I am too tired to go out after working all day  chauffeuring, cooking, training clients and whatever else I have to do, I preface my decline by saying I am boring, I am a nerd etc. That is actually not true. I have a lot of interests although I am probably a nerd. I am self deprecating which does not help my fear of being judged. Why do our defense mechanisms kick in when we don't really need to defend our choices? There is some relief in accepting your authentic self, and not caring if some people choose another route. 

In reality I am making judgements too.  It is almost impossible not to form opinions on certain behaviors, but why is that wrong?

The benefit of getting older and settling into your roles is that you really only need to make yourself happy. If you can really own that, your circle will be come smaller but more meaningful and your time will never be wasted. 

When I make social plans now, I genuinely spend time with people that I adore. 

The questions you need to ask yourself is why are you making certain choices? Are you doing it for yourself or your family, or are you doing out of obligation.

At a certain point in my life, described in my book, I lost my way and was trying to please everyone, and I made decisions putting my own needs and my family's last. I am grateful that through communication I was able to learn what I was doing wrong and course correct. The result? A happier home life and a happier self.

I would love to know what decisions you struggle with?