As I sit drinking my green juice, applauding my willpower yet craving a bagel I wonder why food is my Frenemy. For my entire life I have had a love hate relationship with food. At times it brings me such pleasure I can't believe my heightened senses, but the guilt I often feel after eating something scrumptious and not green made out of twigs is a huge cost.
My eating habits, which have become more lax with age are still restrictive and hard to stick to. I often think about my next meal while eating the current one. I have created rules that allow me to keep my guilt in check, but whenever a wrench is thrown into my schedule, which is often, I am plagued with anxiety and have to self talk myself into a game plan.
I will never understand these thoughts, yet I know I am not alone. I have fat talks with almost every friend, I personal train many eating disordered clients. I am grateful to not be endangering my health anymore but wonder why I got my crazy head.
I am amazed and envious when I watch people eat with abandon, and yet sometimes I look at someone clearly overweight and wonder how uncomfortable they must feel. The funny thing is, that I know my friends reading this think I am talking about them and I AM NOT. I become anxious when I see extremely obese people who look like that have trouble moving. In the same token when I see someone extremely underweight, with protruding bones, I am equally upset. It triggers my fear of being at either extreme.
Where food used to be used for sustenance and necessity it has now become a source of reward, comfort, entertainment, endulgence and pure enjoyment.
How do we find balance? For me after starving myself, giving myself exercise bullemia, going fat free, taste free, meat free, sugar free I am back to moderation. My mother, whom my sister and I made fun of for many things, used to walk around saying "Everything in Moderation." Sorry mom, you were right.
Aside from understanding all of the chemicals it takes to make a food fat free many times these foods boast exorbitant amounts of salt and sugar.
I have learned that I prefer to eat less of something that tastes great and is made with the least amount of processed ingredients.
As we age we require less calories. It is just a fact. I attribute this to Darwin's "Survival of the Fittest". We would clearly run out of resources if we all required the same amount of food. So I guess God feels that by age 50, we have eaten enough of the good stuff.
I am often in awe of my husband who can eat four donuts, but then have a lean cuisine for a day and not have a headache or want to sleep away hunger pains.
The bottom line for me is, I take inventory of my feelings. Is my choice going to make me happy? Or will I need to run a marathon to live with myself.
What are your rules? Clearly, everyone is a little crazy. I have shown you mine, I would love to hear yours!