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You Can't Make This Sh-- Up!

You Can't Make This Shit Up

I have been very anxious as of late, and really on edge due to the Global Pandemic that we are all in the midst of. I know I am not alone.

As many have said, I have been practicing for social distancing and self-quarantining my whole life. I don't travel, work from home,  don't go out much and have hoarded paper towels way before it was cool.

Regardless, during COVID19, I feel so useless and want to do something to help. Aside from staying put, I thought the only thing I can offer, is a laugh. The story I am about to share, may not be done unfolding, but I am going to let you know where we are as of today. Thankfully my reaction has gone from total anxiety to sheer belly laughs. I hope this brings a little joy your way too. 

You might imagine my pure elation, when a renowned author asked me to send her a copy of my book. This is one of my favorite writers, and the joy I felt was insurmountable.  Of course, I went right to Amazon, and sent immediately. I asked if she would prefer a paperback or kindle version, and she chose paperback. I imagine it is because she will want me to autograph it when we get together to discuss the details.

Anyway, the book was sent, and I went back to work. My entire family is working and schooling from home. This creates, double laundry, double cooking and a lot more dirt.

We each take a floor, and do our thing until someone gets hungry. That is apparently my job?????

Clearly when more people stay home, things break, and you definitely need more purchases from Amazon, if that is even possible.

My husband informs me that our toilet seat broke, so I order one from Prime, expecting it to arrive in 2 days.  Next I realize I will not be getting a manicure anytime soon, so I better order some nail polish and remover as well. 

As CNN plays in the background, I think about building my immunity and decide to order, Zinc, Vitamin C and any other immune boosting pills I can find. 

We all carry on with our day, and I receive an email letting me know that my toilet seat has been delivered. I run to the door with my Anti-bacterial wipe, or what appears to be one. The package of wipes is written in Chinese except for the 99.9% which I am assuming is the amount of disinfecting power of the wipe. However when I get to the door, there is no package.

I go back to my email and open the tracking number and my heart starts racing, and sweat begins to bead on my brow. 

For some glorious reason, all of my Amazon purchases, which are a plenty, have been sent to my writing idol's house. Yes, a toilet seat, my vitamins and yes 3 other packages.

I am flipping out. I am embarrassed and don't know what to do. I race to call Amazon, who has a recorded message stating that they cannot answer calls at this time. I don't really have any way to contact the author except through Instagram which I barely know how to use, and I  don't think she checks regularly.

I check for feedback every 20 minutes for the entire day, and realize that this could potentially be the first chapter of my next book. Not to mention this occured on April Fool's Day. Perhaps she thinks it is an April Fool's prank. With the shortage of toilet paper it may actually fly.

I have recovered, and have calmed down, allowing myself to laugh at the sheer hilarity of it all, and hope you can chuckle for a moment too and pehaps forget about your troubles for 5 minutes.

If she does in fact figure out it was me, perhaps that will make me and my book more memorable. I am always going to look for the Silver lining.

Be safe and Be Well everyone.

Thinking and missing all of my friends.

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