Very recently it has come to my attention that we all spend a lot of time seeking the approval of others. The frustrating part about this is that it is very difficult to please everyone. I have been learning this hard lesson for all of my life. As I continue to accept my age and place in the world, I am less inclined to get the approval of the masses, but rather the people that have opinions that I value.
What I mean by this, is that I no longer choose clothing that is in style, but rather what I find stylish. I no longer participate in things that I think make me look cool but rather I try and assess if attending an event will prove to be better than staying in my PJ's and binge watching Netflix.
Letting go of perceived perceptions is difficult. Sometimes, when I decide I am too tired to go out after working all day chauffeuring, cooking, training clients and whatever else I have to do, I preface my decline by saying I am boring, I am a nerd etc. That is actually not true. I have a lot of interests although I am probably a nerd. I am self deprecating which does not help my fear of being judged. Why do our defense mechanisms kick in when we don't really need to defend our choices? There is some relief in accepting your authentic self, and not caring if some people choose another route.
In reality I am making judgements too. It is almost impossible not to form opinions on certain behaviors, but why is that wrong?
The benefit of getting older and settling into your roles is that you really only need to make yourself happy. If you can really own that, your circle will be come smaller but more meaningful and your time will never be wasted.
When I make social plans now, I genuinely spend time with people that I adore.
The questions you need to ask yourself is why are you making certain choices? Are you doing it for yourself or your family, or are you doing out of obligation.
At a certain point in my life, described in my book, I lost my way and was trying to please everyone, and I made decisions putting my own needs and my family's last. I am grateful that through communication I was able to learn what I was doing wrong and course correct. The result? A happier home life and a happier self.
I would love to know what decisions you struggle with?