A Feeling Is A Feeling
Everyday I am learning something new, and it ain't easy to admit. Sometimes, we say something and think we mean it, but in actuality, if the event that we thought was hypothetical comes true, our feelings may change.
Case in point. My husband was at a job that had gotten very challenging and had become very toxic for him. As a fixer, I started looking for other jobs for him and promised up and down that we would make it work. I stated emphatically that he could work for a lower salary, he could work longer hours, no matter what his comfort was paramount.
I thought I meant what I said at the time and in my heart of hearts I did. I would do anything to make him feel better.
He was also searching and came upon an opportunity that sounded ideal. The commute was short, the reviews of the company were amazing, and I thought he was going to get a position where he would be happy and appreciated.
I am not biased he is an asset to any company. He has a solid work ethic, he never complains, he is quick and an honest reliable worker, (really cute too, but I digress).
He begins the job, and it proves to be a lot more work, which does not intimidate him, but he is getting home later. He is being trained by someone who has been there a long time, who has seen the company go from an excess of employees to bare bones.
This is not unique but rather commonplace these days. I have lived that reality too.
His mentor, who will be departing, spends a lot of time talking about the glory days and how it used to be with a surplus of help.
Now they find themselves aiding in other departments when someone is out, and picking up the slack on a daily basis.
Here Is the epiphany that I am going to resolve. I said I didn't mind if he worked later, got on the treadmill before we ate dinner, went in on weekends, whatever it would take.
Fact, I lied to myself and him, but I am going to change my ways!
To start off, I really tried to figure out why this bothered me so much. Hhmmm I am type A, a control freak, married to routine, and a creature of habit.
Now, I have no idea when to expect him, we have less time together, by the time he gets home I am starving and he still wants to work out, I am out of sorts and out of control.
He is adaptable and says eat without me and I will heat it up. Totally cool, but my crazy head starts thinking that this is the demise of the family unit.
Could I wait? Could I have a snack? Anyone who knows me, is aware that I don't snack. The last piece of cake I had was at my wedding. Could I spend the time writing or working late? If I wasn't ready to pass out from hunger, those would be good alternatives.
The resolution is, I am going to wait and see, and I am going to stick to the commitment I made. If you have read my book or any of my works, you will know that I analyze situations and myself to a fault and I can tell you this is on me. I no longer, as long as I am cognizant, will say one thing and do another.
I don't think that anyone does this intentionally, but we are all guilty of thinking we would act a certain way before walking in someone else's shoes.
IE. If your spouse cheated on you, and you assume you would kick him or her out, you may feel differently if this is the person you love, and you are forced to consider not having that person in your life anymore.
If your friend confides in you about being in an abusive relationship and you can't understand why he or she wouldn't leave, and then you find yourself in a similar position your actions or feelings may shift.
If your friend is cheating and you find yourself appalled and then you reconnect with an ex and rationalize how it is not the same.
If your friend has a child who misbehaves, and you criticize (silently) that you would raise that child differently, and then your own kid starts becoming defiant and you lose all control, you suddenly empathize.
I could go on, but you get the point.
We must hold back judgement, or at least expand our thinking beyond our own experiences to imagine an alternative way of thinking.
I am not going to let my spouse down, I am going to find a way to acclimate to my new normal.
Do you get it?